Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Devil Made Me Do It

Despite the title of this blog, I just liked the sound of it in all honesty, I don't consider myself to be a writer. I am someone who writes, perhaps moderately well, but I rarely submit my fiction, don't write every day, and barely ever see an idea or story to completion. A real writer would never do that, I am positive of that.

It will come as no major surprise then to hear that I have abandoned the top 10 project I was working on, but not for any of the reasons listed above. It all boils down to passion, and I simply didn't have the necessary heart to see the book through to completion. There were some nice, funny little moments in there, but at the end of the day it is not the type of writing that excites me. Fiction is where it's at for me, and while watching Devil (that movie with the folks trapped in an elevator) I was reminded of a story I had written a long time ago. I dug around in my computer files and came across, not only that one, but a small horde of short shorts and unfinished ideas......discovering those DID excite me.

And so the decision became very easy, to scrap the top 10 and start working on beefing up those tales as well as touching up a bunch of finished ones that I really like. The plan will be to self publish those as a collection of shorts that I hope to complete in a 3-6 month period. The creative juices are flowing again and it feels good. I just spent a half hour car ride beefing up characters and developing ideas in my head, all neatly filed away until I need to pull them out. My mind works in strange little ways when it comes to writing. Watch this space for updates and more details.

Oh, the top 10 idea will not be totally abandoned, instead I will post here when the mood strikes me. It will not be in a top 10 format, but I will still pull from Yahoo's searches and just write a roundup of the days events in a hopefully humorous fashion........enough chatter, time to get to work.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Fiction - The Dress

This was written as part of a writing challenge, the idea being to write about a day in the life of an old wedding dress. The idea came pretty quickly, but getting it down was hard. Perhaps it was because I was newly married at the time, tat the idea of a beautiful union coming to and end seemed somehow wrong. It ended up being a very emotional writing experience, so much so that I was unable to read it to Penny (she likes me to read my stories to her). In the end it all paid off as it was chosen to be included in Sanctuary, a collection of pieces by a number of writers who were part of a larger were part of a larger writing group, and it may actually be the best thing I have written to date....enjoy.


The Dress

Father Time seldom shows his paternal, loving side, choosing instead to bestow upon us gifts of old age, death and decay. That I have been spared, for the most part, the ignominy of such distasteful decrepitude says more about my home than His capacity for mercy.

I have spent decades hanging beside my partner, a finely tailored, charcoal gray suit who looks as dashing as he did on the day we wed. My ivory skin still shimmers when the light from daybreak penetrates the curtain cracks and falls upon me, giving life to the tiny pearls and sequins that tattoo my flesh. That sight itself is enough to bring Her back, to run her fingers across the fabric, painting the faintest hint of a smile at the corners of her wrinkled lips. Perhaps, like us, She drifts back and, just for a moment, lives in the memory of our one day out in the world, a memory of scented petals and colored blooms, of children in rumpled party dresses laughing and playing, and of a first dance that has gone on unbroken for 45 years. That is my home, the place where I have lived happily all those years, but this day has brought change.

She came today and removed my partner, tears glistening on her cheeks, not the happy kind that sometimes come when She visits, but brought on by a pain that I can feel too, a sense of loss and hopelessness that nothing will easily cure.

In the other room I see more people, all of them in a seeming state of despair judging by the sobs and hugs and the sounds of softly whispered prayers. And as they depart, I see my handsome charcoal boy peeking out from inside a heavy wooden box, a few stray threads hanging from his cuff, lifeless as the body he covers. I shiver as my skin starts to flake in a sequined waterfall, and as my brilliant pearls turn to the color of spoiled milk, I realize I am nothing without Him, a half that can’t live without the whole.

She comes once more and I feel steel resolve run through Her brittle bones. There is music playing in the background, the hisses and pops that pass through the needle unable to disguise the song that started the beautiful dance. With gossamer skinned hands She removes me from my home and slips me on, a second skin that fits as perfectly as Cinderella’s slipper. Together we slowly spin, keeping pace with the musical beat as the air around us seems to crackle with an electrical surge.

I feel myself emerge from the torpor of open-eyed slumber and my fabric sighs as we lift off the floor, the flowered wallpaper coming to life in a burst of radiant color, the dancing flora seeming to join us in our ascent. She raises Her hands as we hover above the weathered rug and, for the merest of moments, we rejoice in the glory of forever, of promises kept and dreams come true, and then we drop, and I find that I am destined to hang forevermore.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Another Fiction Piece

I realize it's been a week since my last post, so I figured it was time to get my lazy ass in gear and put up something new. This is my newest fiction piece, and is one that I can't seem to recall where it came from, just one of those little stories that aren't really inspired from anything, but just pop in my head.....enjoy.

Groundhog Day Grind


The room was as spartan as it gets; single bed, draped in crisp, white linen, two bedside tables framing the thin mattress. A white, wooden locker-style closet stood in the corner, its single door closed and latched. The floor and walls were painted in a nondescript, antiseptic shade of grey, and the lone piece of wall decoration was a chalkboard mounted over the bed. The room was identical to all the others on the ward, save for the sprays of blood that coated the entire space, dry now, but still reeking of copper and death.

The therapist ran his hand through his thinning hair and turned to the orderly who stood in the doorway, nervously fingering an unlit cigarette, desperate to draw in its soothing fumes.

“When did you find him?”

The orderly shuffled his feet, and stuck the cigarette behind his ear. “Breakfast time, yesterday. I was dropping off his food and almost went down in that, that shit.”, he said, motioning towards one of the bigger patches on the floor.

“The police tell me that he…..”

“Yeah, he did this shit with his fingernails, filed them down by scraping them against the wall. You can see the goddam marks behind his bed. This shit isn’t my fault, I could never have known this was coming.”

The doctor sighed impatiently, “I was going to say that the police mentioned his leaving a message. Do you know anything about that?”

“Yeah, he sharpied that shit all over his door. Stream of  watchamacallit nonsense that makes no sense. It’s like his life story, but the funny thing is the broad he talks about, always thought he was a queer.”

The therapist whipped around quickly at the remark, “Don’t you know anything about the patients you tend to?”

“Just how they like their eggs, and which ones are prone to shittin’ themselves. None of the rest of it is any of my business, all that other shit is your job.”

The orderly continued to ramble, but Dr. Mills had tuned him out, his attention now turned to the neat lines of words adorning the back of the room door. He read them once, shook his head, and read them again.

I tumbled out of mothers womb my happy home her sealing tomb and into a world by mothers tit and laying around in my own shit then being cleaned all powdered dry but not enough to stop my cry for mothers tit to grow big and strong and head to school for way too long to learn from teach who sucked me dry just like a leech in toilet stalls he touched my hairless balls and spoke of love with tales of beatings with leather glove should I ever speak of his horrid needs or lusty deeds with no mothers tit to calm my soul I crawled inside my own hell hole and spent my time inside books and other worlds inside my secret reading nook that took me to my high school years and acne stains and adolescent tears disguised by straight As on endless learning days to high paid jobs in the working streets then home alone to frozen dinner treats an endless grind of Groundhog Day repetition finally broken by HER beautiful vision and the way she sung to my solitary soul a vision upon reflection that finally made me whole yet rejection was just around the corner not by choice but made to order by others who know nothing of my long gone life the visions I’ve seen my never ending strife to land in institutions cold where it seems to be I am doomed to grow old but I can’t have HER no-one can and thus here lies my final plan goodbye cruel world it’s been a blast we are off to a place where our love can last.

Mills stepped back and bumped into the orderly, who had been reading over his shoulder.

“Who was she doc?”

“She was he.”

The orderly stared, nonplussed. “I don’t get it,” he said.

The doctor spoke slowly, “It may do you some good to know who you look after, just a little. The patient was troubled, sexually abused and bullied through his early years. He was brilliant though, genius IQ, a master in his field, but always alone and never quite whole. He adored his Mother, and after she passed, he took to wearing her clothes, before moving on and buying his own dresses, lingerie and womens’ accessories. He dressed, always in private, and the male part of him fell in love with the female. In time, he wanted a sex change and was referred to me for a psychiatric evaluation, all part of the process, you understand?”

The orderly nodded, not truly understanding, but drawn in by the story.

“I was unable to recommend the surgery, given his obvious Mother issues, as well as his inability to completely give up his male ego, such was his love for the female.”

“So he killed himself? Quite the suicide note,” the orderly snorted.

“It’s a little more complicated than that. I’d call it a note and a confession, you see to me, this was a murder/suicide.”

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Jan 11th Top 10 Highlights

Running behind again, thanks to illness. I really didn't think that doing this every day would be so difficult, but life tends to get in the way sometimes. Should get caught back up over the weekend.


1.  Chely Wright – In her upcoming memoir, “Like Me”, the country singer claims that admitting she was a lesbian ruined her career. She also says that her favorite part of country and western music is the first syllable.

6. 50 Cent – The rapper made a cool $8.7 million after promoting penny stocks for H&H Imports on his Twitter account. If the SEC investigates and finds him guilty of some sort of stock fraud there is a a chance he may become Martha Stewart’s bitch.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Icy Roads & Stomach Pain





The past few days have been fantastic times for weather reporters here in Atlanta. Many have stepped outside to brave the icy snow, others have come up with words like snowpocalypse to hammer home their point, while others have made the ultimate sacrifice by bunking down in the TV studios so that they can bring you, the viewer, the latest crisis point during this wicked winter storm. The truth of the matter, if you ask me, is that the last lot stayed, not out of some desire to be a meteorological superhero, but instead were just to damned scared to get out on the road.

Let me state, as someone who spent 17 years in Calgary, Canada, that this really was some of the worst driving conditions I have ever witnessed. Most roads, that good, old-fashioned Georgia blacktop, went from snow covered to 3 inch ice-packed overnight. It was so bad that even zamboni's - fully equipped with a batmobile like grappling hook that shoots from the side and latches onto light posts to steer you round corners at high speeds - would have hit the ditch the minute the driver stepped on the brake. On my Tuesday commute to work I saw 3 cars go off road and another narrowly avoid me as it slid, backwards, down the hill I was going up.. My poor wife ended up stuck at work for 2 nights, but I was able to make it in, slowly to be sure, thanks to my previous winter driving experience. Yet here I am today, at home, splitting time between the couch and the bathroom. Below is a re-enactment of my morning.


Imagine my stomach is the ocean. Last night and this morning have been stormy seas, bringing with it a host of jagged shells that scar and deface my scenic shoreline (for this, imagine my colon as the Eiffel Tower), and then, every 20 minutes, a tsunami hits that tears away at the fabric of the surrounding cliffs, sending them crashing into the murky waters (a very thinly disguised reference to my porcelain travels). It is so bad that I can hardly stand and, to be quite honest, the pain has brought a little tear to my eyes (I am blaming cat dander).

This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that this is the 3rd time in a 6 month period that I have been hit with a similar issue. If the problem persists beyond today then it's off to the doctor in the morning, where I will get a tonic that will see me fighting fit, or at least with the ability to not be all caveman looking in my posture, and ready for the upcoming football playoff weekend. And now it's off to write 2 days worth of top 10's and dispense of another batch of stomach lining.

Monday, January 10, 2011

A Double Dose Of Top 10

I am officially caught up after having completed the top 10's for yesterday and today. As always, here are a couple that made me giggle.

Sunday

3. Kate Middleton – The Princess to be attended the wedding of her best friend alongside her beau, Prince William. She wore a sleek black dress with matching hat that cost British taxpayers a mere 25,000 pounds.
7. Robert Pattinson – IT’S OVER. The stormy romance between the shiny vampire and his Twilight co-star, Kristen Stewart, has reportedly hit the rocks. Their publicists say that all hair products will be equally divided.

 Monday

2. Hugh Hefner – The owner of Playboy is taking his publicly traded company private. It’s bound to be a success given the Hef’s previous experience with privates.

4. Owen Wilson – The Little Focker’s star confirmed that his girlfriend, Jade Duell, is due to give birth any day. Let’s hope the little one doesn’t have dad’s nose.

Some More "Real Writing"

It has been a stupendously lazy day today. A big winter storm hit last night, dumping 6 inches of snow, and forcing the closure of, well, just about everything. I was up at the butt crack of dawn to drive Penny to work (her place always opens) and have since spent the day playing Spin Bingo on Facebook and thinking about how I have to write two days worth of top 10's so that I can get caught up.
No more mucking about, the writing begins now, but in the meantime, in place of a musical interlude, here is an old, old piece of my short fiction. This was kinda long forgotten in my head, but watching Devil last night brought it back. I had scrapped it as crap a long time ago, but Penny loved it (she never lies when it comes to the stuff I write), so i thought it might be worth sharing. Be back soon with a couple of days worth of top 10 highlights.

Crash & Burn


He twisted in the front seat of the stolen SUV and jammed the barrel of the gun into the screaming child's face..."SHUT THE FUCK UP", he roared.
His actions only seemed to prompt the infant to holler even louder, the sound grating on his already raw nerves. He turned his attention back to the highway, with the occasional glance in the rear view at the cops giving chase. The vehicle shuddered violently as he pushed the gas pedal all the way to the floor, cars whizzed by on either side, horns blaring in protest.
His whole life had been one big fuck up and his first attempt at crime had gone no differently. He'd jacked the idling car in the parking lot of a 7/11, failing to notice the child in the back seat or the cop car at the gas pump, two major gaffes rolled into one.
Anger turned to frustration,to resignation. He removed his foot from the gas and was just about to hit the brakes when a truck to his right cut in front of him and clipped the front fender.  The SUV lurched to the left and, try as he might, he couldn't take it out of the spin. Letting go of the wheel, he threw up his hands and tried to brace himself for impact.
The vehicle hit the dividing wall and seemed to bounce off back into oncoming traffic, miraculously crossing 4 lanes unhindered, before slamming sideways into a light pole. The collision cut the SUV in half, left to right, the back end shuddering to a halt against the grass verge, the front end hitting the same verge and flipping, rolling once, twice and then bursting into flame.
Battered and bloodied, but still conscious, he tried to free himself from the seat belt. Tears welled in his eyes as he slammed the butt of the gun against the lock, hot flames licking at his face. The leather seat was unbearably hot, the fabric bubbling under the extreme heat, each breath he took burned him to the core, choking fumes filling his lungs. His exposed skin blistered and broke, flesh melded with metal as his hand fused to the gun handle.
The seat belt lock clicked loudly and released him from it's grasp. He rolled off the seat and out the back of the severed  auto. The cops were waiting, guns trained on him. He stood on legs made of jello, the flames engulfing his entire body, tried to scream, but his scorched throat released no sound. One of the cops spotted the gun attached to his hand and yelled "WEAPON". Bullets rained on his blazing form and sent him to the tarmac, gone at last.
Two of the officers ran to the back end of the vehicle to check on the little girl. She giggled when she saw them, none the worse for wear save for a trickle of blood that dripped from her nose onto her bib which read, "Daddy's Little Angel."

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Jan 8th Top 10 Highlights

Managed to crank out yesterdays top 10 despite being heavily distracted by playoff football. Still have to get to todays with the same distraction. Damn you NFL, damn you.

3. John Edwards – The disgraced former Senator has announced his engagement to woman he had an affair with during his marriage. The announcement come just weeks after his ex-wife’s passing. I didn’t realize he shared a heart with Dick Cheney.

6. Girl Scout Cookies – It’s that time of year again. The girls are out peddling their baked wares to a cookie loving nation. Great, first it was the Salvation Army blocking your entrance to Wal-Mart, now it’s the mint thin brigade.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Jan 7th Top 10 Highlights

Almost caught up with my writing after my 24 hour internet outage. Here are my faves from yesterday.

3. Chupacabra – The mystery of the blood sucking, mythical creature has been solved after one was shot in Kentucky. It is actually just a hairless version of a raccoon. It still doesn’t explain why Edward Cullen, a blood sucking, mythical creature with a too full head of hair is so damn popular.

9. Lady Gaga – The quirky singer and Polaroid are teaming up to showcase camera glasses and purse printers. I really don’t want to hear about where they are putting their credit card swipers.

Where's The Perspective

Last week at work proved to be one of major upheaval. It would seem that the stormy economic climate has finally hit Avon, and it was announced that 2nd shift operations would be ceased as of Jan 28th, and that we will be going to a 4 day week, 10 hours per day. All Avon employees are safe, and all but 20-30 of the temp workers were laid off. You want to talk about dodging a bullet? I was a temp there for 3 years before finally getting a permanent spot in early October.

For the announcement we were split into separate rooms at opposite ends of the warehouse where, by all accounts, the mood inside was pretty similar. I listened to the announcement with major belly butterflies, realizing the full luck of my situation, but then it turned weird as people started complaining about the new hours and how they might lose two hours a couple of times a week due to vacations etc. I couldn't believe that was their concern when, just up the warehouse a ways, people were losing all their hours......PERMANENTLY!!

Perhaps it's because I am just recently removed from the ranks of tempdom that I can feel some of the pain and anger my fellow employees must be feeling. It's hard to go in there every day for a lot less pay, not to mention no paid vacation, no sick days and very little hope of ever getting a permanent spot until you put a ton of time in.

Instead of complaining about the new hours or where I might or might not end up working, and in what capacity, I will take this time to be thankful that I still have a job in this shitty economic downturn, and will continue to work hard to maintain that position and the company's faith in me.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Jan 6th Top 10 Highlights

We got our internet back after a 24 hour outage. It's something of a pain in the ass given that I need to access the Yahoo top 10's every day. A big thanks to my daughter, Kayleigh, who bailed me out yesterday by texting the top 10 to me....thanks baby.

2. Kirk Cameron – The teen actor turned religious advocate, claims that the thousands of birds that fell from the sky in Arkansas are not a sign of a looming apocalypse. Then again, he also thought the cancellation of  Growing Pains was not a sign of the end of his acting career.

9. Spam – It would appear that the holidays are a slow time of year for e-mail pests given that the mount of spam mail sent out dropped significantly during that period. In related news, erections, penis size, and Haitian Lottery winners also dropped off sharply.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Jan 5th Top 10 Highlights

 A couple of my faves from yesterdays top 10 list

4. Netflix Button – Pretty soon your TV remote will come with a Netflix button allowing you one click access to a world of online movies. So, when your remote is trapped in the couch cushions your ass will have accessed the entire first season of Baywatch.

10. Michele Bachmann  - The Republican Congresswoman is said to be contemplating a Presidential run in the next election, pitting her against Sarah Palin. You know what that means fellas? CATFIGHT….woohoo!!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Yahoo's Top 10 Searches, Jan 4th, 2011

I was late getting to yesterdays 10, thanks to a late night at work. I came home, wrote down the top headline and the top 10 searches, then hit the hay. Technically, I am not cheating as this was yesterdays 10, I promise. I thought it might be cool to post a full list every now and again, so here goes.

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

Today’s Top Headline – Pakistan’s Governor Shot 26 Times By Own Guard

1. Snooki Polizzi
– Second time on the top 10 this week for the Jersey Shore star. First it was being dropped in a ball for New Years, now she is quitting booze to lose weight. Wonder if the diet was prompted by the ball hitting the floor 45 seconds before midnight.
2. DeAnna Pappas – The woman, jilted on a previous season of The Bachelor, confronted the man, Brad Womack, who rejected her on the season premiere of the show. Brad, will you accept this punch on the nose?
3. J.R.R. Tolkien – Yesterday would have been the 119th birthday of the Lord Of The Rings Author. He would be just a puppy compared to Gandalf.
4. Kim Kardashian – The latest famous for nothing girl is reportedly making a good impression of the family of her latest beau, Kris Humphries. She is doing it by keeping her mouth closed and her knockers covered.
5. Home Loans – Bank Of America will have to pay out $2 billion to settle loans sold to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. To covers the costs, BOA will raise service charges, meaning a withdrawal from an ATM will now cost $600 for the customer.
6. Meg Ryan – Oops!! It would appear that the actress may be donning the homewrecker tag as she is reportedly dating John Mellencamp who is in the process of divorcing from his wife. Being Mellencamps main squeeze signals the first time Meg has had top billing in over a decade.
7. Roger Ebert – The movie critic announced that his new co-host on At The Movies will be Ignatiy Vishnevetsky. Who is this guy? This is complete Bolshevik.
8. Coptic Church – Security is high as church officials fear a terrorist attack this Thursday, which happens to be Coptic Christmas Eve. I’m confused, did Mary have twins 2 weeks apart?
9. Minivans – Car companies are going against the grain and marketing minivans as cool and hip. Compare that to a decade ago when a male caught in a minivan was deemed to be a born again virgin.
10. Defibrillators – It is being reported that 22% of patients who went through defibrillator procedures did not meet medical guidelines. I believe the real reason they are on the top 10 is that folks are looking for a home version as they await the arrival of their holiday credit card bills.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A Wild Imagination

As far back as I can remember, a lot of years given my advancing years, I have always had something of a big imagination. I can clearly recall a whole host of stories I wrote as a kid. Tales of dinosaurs and childhood soccer players discovered and turned into mega-stars. That imagination has served me well over the years, but there have been times when it has been more of a curse than a blessing.

I remember many a Friday night, scrunched up on the couch beside my Mum as we watched double features of the old classic horror movies. In the light of day my mind would turn me into Van Helsing, the famous vampire hunter, but at night that self same imagination would transform me fron hunter to hunted. That sort of thought process has followed throughout my life, serving me well in the story writing department, yet torturing me a little as I take the smallest details and follow them through to the worst possible end, without any chance of the worst ever really happening.

Last night may have been the pinnacle of my imaginary horrors. We were all tucked up in bed when the noises started. It was the usual sounds of our home settling, combined with the noised from outside where our neighbors were working on their car. All of it added up to me believing that someone was in our house....AGAIN!! I realize the chances of being hit, back to back, that quickly are slim, but it doesn't stop you feeling it's gonna happen anyways.

And so it was off to the couch until after 3 in the morning, no sleep at all. I would have stayed all night if it were not for Penny, my eternal voice of reason, coming downstairs and coaxing me back to bed. I'm sure it will be the same story for the next 2 nights until we get our alarm system. It's not a pleasant time but, who knows, maybe my imagination can turn this whole thing into a creepy little story.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Jan 3rd Top 10 Highlights.

Not really sure whether or not these should be classified as highlights or not. God only knows if anyone, besides me, even gets the slightest glimmer of a giggle out of these. Hopefully they do, as this daily teasing is all a ploy to get you all to buy my book, "What's Trending Now? - A Year Of Yahoo Searches", when I self publish that bad boy in 2012 (I really hope the world doesn't come to an end that year, although it would be just my luck).

3. Shaun King – The former Buccaneers QB was arrested on charges of drunk driving last night. Luckily for passing pedestrians, he was unable to hit any of them, even though they were wide open

9. Healthcare – Congress returns to work on Wednesday, and number one on their hot list is sure to be healthcare reform. Number two will be how much their raises should amount to this year. Hopefully enough to pay for their private health needs.

Movies Of The Mind

Writing is a very visual experience for me. I can clearly see the images in my mind, long before the words leave my head and flow to my fingertips. The problem with that method is that, sometimes, things you have seen before become part of the process. It's impossible to entirely block out a lifetime of visual imagery and come up with something completely unique. All you can do, in my humble opinion, is try to improve upon the image and create a new spin on the old and tired.

I've often toyed with the idea of learning the art of screenwriting, but it seems like a medium that embraces familiarity. There are so many movies that are complete knock-offs of what has come before, that it almost becomes a game, while watching, to try and piece together all the previous movies that the ideas have been borrowed from. Is that the fault of the writers or the moviemakers? Tough to say, but I would guess there is a fair bit of collusion there.

For me, the best movie of 2010 was, Inception. It certainly seemed original, but a lot of the imagery in the dream sequences were very Matrix-like, and the story of entering other peoples dreams to influence them had been seen before in film like, The Cell and Dreamscape. But, like I said before, Inception was done in a way that topped the images it mimicked. Perhaps that is the best we can hope for.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Todays Top 10 Highlights

It was a rough one today, brought on by a bout of afternoon boozing as I watched the Steelers clinch the division title. It is safe to say that some editing may take place tomorrow, bur for now, here are a couple that I liked.

1. Brett Favre – As the NFL regular season drew to a close, The veteran QB announced his retirement from the game, again!! His retirement plans include continuing his cell phone photography career.

8. Dilma Rouseff – The newest President of Brazil is a former Marxist rebel who spent 3 years being tortured in prison. Compare that to Sarah Palin, a former beauty queen who tortured us for 3 months during the last election.

Some "real" writing

This was a little piece I did for a writing challenge. The challenge was to do a short fiction piece about the last tree in the world. The last line of this bit is from, "Final Destination", and it was from those words that the story was born.

Here I stand, the last remaining reminder of Mother Natures glorious splendor, a solitary sentinel on guard against an ashen enemy that tore my world asunder the day the sun burnt out in a hail of cleansing fire.
A layer of grit and grime covered the corpses of my fallen friends, but did little to mask the death throes and muffled screams as they left the land of the living canopy.
I am aware that I am dying, the sum of my parts, one by one, breaking apart. Branches droop in grim surrender, a bark that has lost it's bite and given way to sap filled tears, and roots that have relinquished the need to hold me upright.
And as I fall the ashes flee from my weary frame and spots of brilliant color, greens and reds and orange, flash before my foliage face, and bring me to my final realization; that we are never more alive than in the moment before we die.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Day 1 Complete

1 down, 364 to go. Got over the first hurdle, and wrote my top 10 for the day. It surprisingly came pretty easy, and hopefully it will continue to do so for the remainder of the year. My goal is just to do this book, and see it to completion. I really don't give a rats ass if it sells a single copy, it's more about seeing a writing project through to the end. My initial idea was to put up some of my favorites for the week here, but I think I will pick 1 or 2 daily, just so you can all follow my progress. The one's I post will be those that generally make me giggle a little.....I know it seems a little conceited to laugh at your own shit, but sometimes I'm the only one laughing, so I have to. Anywho, here are my faves from today.

3. Zombie Satellite - The Galaxy 15 satellite has reset and returned to life after being knocked out by a solar flare. It is now transmitting a single message, over and over, “Brains, braaaaaiiiiiiins”.

7. 2011 Horoscope – People want to know what the new year will bring, and are prepared to look to the stars for advice. Your Mercury is rising and you have an extra 20lbs on Uranus.

Small Victories

Happy New Year!!

2011 arrived in Georgia on the back of a gray, wet, and dreary day. The warm rain is a bit of a welcome break from the real cold snap we have been suffering through these past couple of weeks. The previous year ended poorly with our condo broken into and the theft of Penny's laptop, so we are really looking for this year to take a bit of an upturn.

So far, so good. December saw a total of 1,048 visitors to this humble little blog. That is roughly 1,047 more than I expected. Looking to hit 2,000 this month and hopefully a steady, gradual climb in popularity. I am really enjoying writing here and will be looking to add more of my, "real writing" in the coming weeks, rather than just my personal bullshit. Secondly, I have been trying, in vain, to get the desktop internet ready so that Penny can save her Farmville crops from a withering death. Windows Vista had other ideas though, and refused to let me install Service pack 1, essential for the new router to do its job. Paul over at Daily Shite offered his expertise, but by a miracle of some unknown sort, the service pack loaded and Pen is now hoeing and harvesting to her hearts content.

2 small little starts to the year, but positive ones that will hopefully be the catalyst for a good 2011. Wishing you all the same.