Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Dancing Stars On Pancake Day

Last night was the announcement that everyone, and by everyone I mean cat lover shut-ins and males in a sexless marriage, was waiting for. The line-up for this season's version of Dancing With The Stars. It is usually of mild interest to me (thankfully for neither of the reasons mentioned above), but hearing the details live means sitting through an episode of The Bachelor. My pain threshold does not go that high. So there I was, contemplating bed when the little new message icon pops up on my Facebook page. It's my sister informing me that Hines Ward, wide receiver and Steelers icon, will be appearing in this upcoming season. AAAAAAAAARRRGGHHHHHH!! It is not a good time to be a fan of the black and gold, losing in the Super Bowl and now this indignity. To make matters worse, Hines will have to share the spotlight with, Kendra Wilkinson, a bubble headed for Playboy Playmate and Hefner juice dumpster. I hear that the reason she accepted her spot was because her manager convinced her that fellatio is actually an Italian version of the paso doble.

What is a man to do in  these most trying of times? I'll tell you, head on down to IHOP for a free stack of pancakes in celebration of National Pancake Day. I am also going under the illusion that it is national Devour An Entire Pig Day by adding bacon, ham and pork to my stack. Doing so may not completely dull the pain of my recent Steeler shame, but it should help flush out the bad taste in my mouth.

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