Wednesday, May 11, 2011

It's Getting Hot In Here

It's that time of year when sun worshipers rejoice, and the needle on the thermometer starts creeping into the 90's. The ATL is currently living up to its Hotlanta nickname, and I am in misery. I do not do well in the sun, especially that sticky, muggy, rancid kind that is usually only found in the Amazon jungle or Charlie Sheen's underpants. The sun's brilliant rays play havoc with my delicate Scottish skin, an organ so fair as to be almost pale blue in hue. Any direct sunlight illuminates my milky flesh to the point where I look like dude from Twilight, minus the floppy hair and brooding good looks of course.

It's bad enough that it's blistering outside, but now my employers have decided that air conditioning is a terrible invention, and we are forced to work in temperatures that would rival the surface of the sun. My clothes end up drenched, I have body parts sticking to other parts that should never ordinarily be in direct contact, and when I sit down, the area under my gloriously thatched chest, and above my ample belly looks like a tropical glade in Narnia....I swear I have heard Liam Neeson's voice coming from my nipple, more than once.

I guess I"ll have to just suck it up, even though doing so means gulping in scorched air that will fry my tonsils, as it's a long Summer here in the South. Gotta look on the bright side though, as this will be terrific practice for the eternity I am doomed to spend in Hell....there could be worse places to end up, Charlie Sheen's underpants for one.


Clare and Gary said...

Urrrgh .. Charlie Sheens underpants.. a little sick in my mouth!..

It's been steaming here in Florida for days now.. I am praying for some rain

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