Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A Probing Investigation

Tuesdays have a way of stripping away my will to live, and leaving me bored beyond all comprehension. You'd think that time away from the chores of work would revitalize me, but too much time alone puts me a little too deep inside my own head. What's a man to do when confronted with such tedium, you ask? Simple!! Spend countless hours hitting the stumbleupon button, visiting websites that are usually of no great interest. Occasionally though, I will hit one that gets the old noggin switched back on, and the gears grinding into action.

Yesterday, I came across an article about Travis Walton. His story took place back in the mid 70's when, as a logger working in the woods, he was allegedly beamed on board an alien craft, where he spent several days being scrutinized, before being dropped home, pretty much none the worse for wear.

It got me thinking whether or not I would like to travel into space. As cool as it may be to see our world from above, the idea of being cannonballed into orbit inside a glorified campbell's soup can, doesn't appeal. The last time I was jettisoned that quickly from an elongated object was as a sperm, but the details are a little fuzzy, so I can't really say whether or not I enjoyed the experience.

What if I wasn't given the choice though, but rather, like Walton, was beamed onto the mothership by a visiting race of ET's? Not much better, given their seeming penchant for anal probing, as recounted in almost all abduction cases. I am sexually liberated, but the idea of a sphincter loving, galactic space traveler tickling my dung funnel with a cattle prod is not my idea of jolly time. Perhaps we as a race are missing the point of the whole probing idea. Maybe these super race of aliens long ago realized that the mysteries of the universe have somehow become embedded into the DNA of our colons. In fact, the more I say it out loud, the more barium enema sounds like some distant galaxy beyond the reaches of our inferior craft.

For now, I am quite happy to keep my feet on terra firma, spending time exploring the vast space between my ears.

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