Saturday, August 6, 2011

A Taste Of Bangers & Mash

The daily grind of writing for money has hampered my writing for the love of it, but Bangers & Mash will never die, they are just going to take a little longer to make it to the virtual page. As a wee treat, here is a glimpse into their world; this is a small excerpt from chapter 3, shortly after the first murdered butcher has been discovered....enjoy.


Without another word, detectives Bangers and Mash stepped inside the shop, and into a world that made them tick. The first thing that hit them, even before they saw the body, was the stench.
“What is that smell?” Mash asked, resisting the urge to gag by systematically breathing through his mouth.
“It smells like a wet, dirty sweater,” Bangers replied.
Mash pointed to the wall where a chalkboard, which usually displayed goods and prices, had been smeared clean and overwritten with a new message, MUTTON. HURT ANIMALS.
Both men were acutely aware of the body laid out on the counter top, but they knew that key evidence could be found by checking out the entire scene first. And so they pored over every small detail; pieces of seeming meaningless debris on the floor were placed in evidence bags, the handle of the open back door dusted for prints by Bangers, and any other item, no matter how tiny, jotted down in Mash’s notepad. With the painstaking detail work done, the detectives set about examining the body of Chuck Wolfe.
The butcher lay face down on the wooden counter. His head had been shoddily shaved, large clumps of hair sprouting up like follicle islands on his otherwise bare scalp. A big, bloody knot stood out near the crown of his head, obviously the place where the killer blow had been struck. Knitting needles had been jammed in each ear and bent upwards, giving Wolfe a horned appearance.
“Let’s roll him over,” Mash said quietly.
Bangers slid his hands under the butchers’ neck, raising the head, and Mash, tugging on the shoulders, started to pull the body over. As soon as the corpse moved, a static blast of white noise echoed around the small shop. The detectives both jumped backwards, letting go of the body, but momentum carried it forward, and Wolfe ended up laying on his back, mouth wide open as though in shock.
The hissing stopped almost as quickly as it had begun, but it was replaced by the sound of a single voice, faint, yet clear enough to be heard.
“Where’s that coming from?” Bangers asked.
Mash didn’t reply, instead he stepped back towards the body and placed his right ear against the butchers’ open mouth.
“It’s coming from him,” Mash said finally.
“What’s he saying? Is he telling you who the killer is?”
“He’s quite dead Richard, but I do recognize the voice. Come listen, tell me what you think.”
Mash stepped aside, allowing Bangers to listen, “Is that who I think it is?” he asked.
“If you think it’s Reggie Beevers, resident DJ at WLEY FM, then you would be correct my friend.”
“But how can he be talking through a dead man’s body? Is he one of them psycho fellas?”
“Psychic, Richard, psychic, and no, I believe the knitting needles are acting like an antenna and picking up the broadcast, watch.”
Mash maneuvered the body into a couple of different poses until the voice of Beevers came out loud and clear.
“….is a long distance dedication for Marie from London. Marie met her boyfriend, Thomas, while attending Oxford University. Before they could be wed, Thomas was shipped off to the Falkland Islands to fight for his country. They lost touch, Marie believing the love of her life had perished at war. Years later, walking the streets of London, she came across a legless war veteran begging for money. It was Thomas, and they instantly rekindled the love that had never died. So for Thomas and Marie, here is Kenny Loggins with Footloose…..”
Bangers and Mash were so engrossed in the strangeness, they failed to notice the woman enter the shop behind them until she cleared her throat. They jumped at the sound like a synchronized scared team.
“I didn’t mean to startle you both, sorry,” she said in a voice as smooth as silk.
Mash was the first to regain his composure. “That’s fine, Miss Loonie, glad to have you here. We hope you can shed some light on all of this,” he said, using his head to motion around the shop.
“I hope so too, I’m very scared.”
Feeling he should console the poor girl, Mash started to lower the re-position the dead body to a more normal state of lifelessness.
“STOP!!,” Bangers roared.
“What is it Richard, did you spot a piece of evidence?”
“No, not at all. I just love this song. Tis a classic don’t you know.”