Thursday, January 19, 2012

January 19th, 2011 Top 10

Another day, another hilariously brilliant Top 10, just not here I'm afraid. here instead is my lame ass attempt at humor.

  1. Dwayne Wade - The Miami Heat baller has just received a $230,000 sports car from his girlfriend for his 30th birthday. My wife's birthday is tomorrow, and this story makes me believe that perhaps I should re-think the toaster.
  2. Jodie Sweetin - The former Full House child star has also just turned 30. No hot wheels for her though, as she appears quite happy to just stay on the wagon.
  3. Lauren Scruggs - The model who lost an eye and a hand after walking into a propeller, was released from hospital yesterday and appears to be in good spirits. No jokes here as this was a tragic accident, but fear not, I'm sure there will be more people I can pick on shortly.
  4. Jessica Capshaw - Congrats to the Grey's Antaomy start who has just announced that she is pregnant with her third child. Her character name on the show is Arizona, which makes me think we should call her real life husband Tennessee, as he appears to be spending a lot of time down south...wink, wink.
  5. Antidepressants - Research is showing that more patients seem to do better on placebo's rather than on the antidepressants they were prescribed. For me, I find that booze and crack cocaine are equally as refreshing as my Lexapro.
  6. Snooki Without Make-Up - The Jersey Shore star finally showed the world what she looks like without caked on cosmetics. Next up on Jersey Shore, the Situation without hair product.
  7. Coffee - More great research news as it has been revealed that heavy coffee drinkers seem to be a less risk of getting Diabetes. If that's really the case, then my family line should be free of Diabetes for the next 6 generations.
  8. William Shatner - Former space cadet turned travel site pitchman will be losing his gig as the Priceline Negotiator. The final ad will show his character go over a cliff on a bus. If Shatner can bring Spock back from the dead on film, then I think it's fair to say that the Negotiator will be back at some point.
  9. Peyton Manning - Word has it that the Colts QB is close to announcing his retirement. The source of that information is none other than hunky has been Rob Lowe who put the word out via Twitter. Next up for Lowe, a gig on ESPN Sportscenter alongside John Clayton who tweeted that Jim Caldwell would be keeping his Colts coaching job.
  10. Gwinnett Teacher Resigns - A teacher in a prominent Georgia county has resigned after being caught assigning math homework that had word problems that used slavery and beatings in the wording. My kids go to school in this county, which makes this story more than just a little scary, as well as making the pointy hatted school mascot make a little more sense.
That's all folks...see y'all tomorrow if I don't get lynched picking my kids up from school.

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