Tuesday, July 31, 2012

My 24 Hours With The Devil - Part 1

Weekends have always been my favorite and have now taken on a new level of happiness given my current circumstances. My wife Penny travels for work and is usually only home on the weekends and my kids come to visit every second one. This past week was particularly fun as we went to a local family restaurant that had good food, cheap beer, and live entertainment on tap for a summer festival. I almost killed myself racing my daughter on an inflatable obstacle course, but the burst lungs and infarction was well worth it. That all happened on Saturday, but on Sunday things took a turn for the worst.
I'd had a few cheap beers the day before, so wasn't really surprised that a touch of gas was on the cards. What was surprising was that each and every belch produced a taste of rotten eggs. I've spoken before of my love for boiled eggs, but with no egg cups yet in my possession, I still can't eat them. That made the rather pungent belly burps all the more concerning, but it was only the beginning. I took the kids to get some school supplies, drove them home, and then felt my stomach lurch on the drive home. I arrived just in time to - how can I put this delicately - dispose of everything I had eaten in the past month via the rear exit. Unpleasant, but it made me feel well enough to enjoy a nice bread bowl of chicken noodle soup. The eggs were still present in my mouth farts, but not as badly as the morning, so I assumed all was well.......WRONG!!

My stomach decided that it didn't really care for that lovely soup, deciding instead to get it out via every available orifice, after I had gone to bed. That resulted in several hasty trips from bed to toilet, trying not to trip over dirty laundry and the cord for the fan. That I made it each and every time has more to do with desperation than any kind of Olympian athletic awesomeness. At one point I watched in amazement as a carrot flew from my nose to join the stream of bile shooting from my mouth, all whilst clenching my cheeks to avoid re-painting the wall behind me. It eventually all settled down, but that was only the beginning of my 24 hour adventure.......

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